Last summer, my dear and wise friend called me to the carpet. She has a way of speaking truth and conviction into my life. You know, the type. They make you want to scream...because they're right? On this occasion, she was calling me out because I was not meeting one of my goals. I had procrastinated on taking care of something necessary to meeting that goal...and yet, I had spent so much time and energy helping a friend plan his life, details and all. He was going to start a new adventure while I had put a hold on mine.
This episode reoccured to me last weekend, as another wise man who speaks truth into my life asked a group of us about levels of commitment. People shared about spousal commitments, work commitments, and such I agreed, but what I realized is that I have two main levels: everyone else and myself. I it is anyone else, I try my very hardest to honor that commitment, but how often I let myself down.
Danny Cahill refers to the "Rocky Effect"as when "you get motivated to change, but the motivation soon dissipates into thin air." My Rocky Effect comes when I put others' adventures in front of my own, when my adventures blur with theirs. It's when I get wrapped up in a friend's wedding and then I have an energy crash. It's when I'm so focused on someone else's struggles, I ignore my own. It's when I fight the spirit of comparison and experience sadness after an extended period with friends and their small children. DON'T MISHEAR ME. It's an honor to be a part of the weddings...it's in my very purpose to support you in your struggles, and your families bring me abundant joy. It can just get out of balance!
How many times have I heard and said in Church, "You can't give what you don't have"? How am I serving others well if I'm not taking care of myself?
Over the last week, I've had to face another hard truth. Was I really hiding in other people's adventures because I couldn't make mine happen?
Thankfully, we have a redeeming God with perfect timing. There was a moment during my Journey Training in Oklahoma when I was in a situation that God used to teach me about two important things: urgency and my worth. In this situation, I knew what I needed to do, and yet, I clearly heard Him say, "Alison, you're running out of time! Do it now!" Then, even after I stood up for myself (literally and figuratively), I was faced with another choice. Defer the opportunity to friends with valid reasons to have it over me...or plead my case. The Holy Spirit, so kind and clear, said to my heart, "Fight for yourself!"
Stay tuned, because a lot more is coming...until then, what do you need to fight for? Who do you need to recommit to? What is holding you back from what you want?
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