Depending on how well you know me may determine which one of those things is more surprising.
One of my best friends, Blogger Laughing Scholar, once gave me a book called Sex God by Rob Bell. If you're Catholic, it's like a Protestant's Theology of the Body. If you're not Catholic, it is the author's thoughts on God and sexuality Author Rob Bell defined sexy as "being comfortable in your own skin". I've spent most of my life being very un-sexy.
I've hear a lot lately, "Pictures don't lie." I spent so many years cropping out unpleasant parts of myself, or getting frustrated over pictures of me. Then, as I started to lose weight and get healthy, the pictures became motivators for me, showing me the results the scale wasn't always showing.
One of my primary languages for receiving love is through Words of Affirmation. People have been so loving lately, encouraging and affirming me with their noticing my improved physique. It means so much to me. More importantly, I'm seeing it in myself. I'm looking and re-looking at pictures. I'm in disbelief at what I'm seeing! Seriously, I have wanted it so long, and yet it's almost a foreign appearance.
My Sexy Shadow
You know how sometimes you look at yourself in a "fat mirror" or at a weird angle? It can be very alarming how the viewing platform and light can modify the image. A couple weeks ago, I was walking with a friend and I was struck by my shadow. I was happy with what I saw! Again, it's an image, but still, it has taken me a lot to get to this place of comfort and contentment.
Sexy Enough to Shop with Friends
Except for a phase as a young child when Northlake Mall was the last place I wanted to be because it meant my Mom would be spending an eternity in a department store, I've loved shopping for clothes. But I rarely went with friends. I couldn't deal with shopping for clothes twice their size. I was so embarrassed. Then, there was the dressing room. My mom has stored up a lot of treasure in Heaven, loving me through so many tears and arguments while in the dressing room. Sorry Mom. God Bless you.
I've had a couple of very positive dressing room experiences lately. I'm confident and comfortable having people help me look for my size. No more shame. And as I try on clothes, I keep saying: "It feels good to feel good."
Comfortable. Good. Healthy.
Sexy.
