A Balanced Meal: Discipline and Grace

Discipline at many levels

Brace yourselves for this. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. I’m definitely more “Otter” than “Beaver”, but I do feel strongly about my performance.

            Childhood story, a favorite of my Mom’s. She once told me, “You are so anal retentive.” I asked her what that meant. When she told me, I said, “Well, I take that as a compliment!”

            While I have a fun and spirited personality, I do have a lot of discipline. When something is important, I take the time, focus, and effort, whether it’s school, job, event planning, or even supporting someone I love. Even my prayer life is fruit of discipline. I focus diligently on knowing God, hearing His voice, learning His Word, and walking with Him. My health, in all facets, requires discipline too.

Financial Health

            I’ve spent a year really disciplining my finances. Financial discipline has enabled me to get out of credit card debt, finance what I really want, and improve my future.

Physical Health

            My greatest successes in weight loss have come with a combination of support and discipline. My attitude for a long time was along the lines of “I want to lose weight, but I don’t want to give up sweet tea.” My trainer used to ask me how badly I wanted it, and that drove me crazy! What she was getting at though was discipline! I have to put my money where my mouth is. I have to make the continuous decision that if weight loss and good health are what I really want, I have to do what it takes.

Dealing with Failure

            Although disciplined, it is no secret to anyone who knows me that I can be too hard on myself. Historically, “failure” has led to guilt and shame, and not letting the “failure” go. In my weight loss journey, I’ve found that when I slip up, I feel a senses of resignation – not outright quitting, because that is not me at all. It is more of a sense that I’ll have to restart tomorrow, rather than seizing the day.

The 80/20 Rule

            Endorsed by Danny Cahill (my weight loss coach, friend, and winner of Season 8 of The Biggest Loser), along with other health experts, the 80/20 Rule says that for weight loss, you’re doing well if you’re eating on point 80% of the time. I got to thinking recently about this rule as a paradigm for discipline and grace.  I will be treating myself so much better if I can strive for 80% discipline, and let grace fill the rest. The key though is to really be on point with that 80%. I have found that my food slips are the here and there’s more than the classic binges. I have to have the discipline that a cheat meal doesn’t become a cheat day if it is a meal that is planned. The same is true for not letting a cheat day become a cheat weekend. I must choose that 80% discipline. Then, I need to allow grace to fill in…

***Disclaimer. I am not offering that grace is only 20%. This is a paradigm, not an exact parallel. ***

Pleasant Boundaries

            Psalm 16:6 says, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleant places; surely I will have a delightful inheritance.” This verse can apply to a variety of boundary and balance contexts. It encourages me a lot.

            In this context, with the discipline comes a boundary made pleasant by grace. It’s about doing everything I can, but gifting myself and others with grace for the rest. It’s about remembering that God is God and we are only humans.

           

Grace

            I remember giving a testimony about grace in high school to my youth group. I can honestly say I didn’t really understand grace, but was just excited to share my testimony.

            I’ve been learning a lot about grace lately and what it looks like in my life.

Grace from Others

            The Lord is so gracious to me. Grace abounds through the people in my life. I experience grace when someone is incredibly patient with me as I get stuck in my head overanalyzing. I experience grace when I push and push and still they love me through it.

            Grace aplenty came from a meeting I missed last week. As I was frantically apologizing, the man I was to meet said, “Alison, we have time. There is no pressure. The Kingdom of God is abounding with grace. God extends a boatload of grace to me, so I can extend grace to you.”

            Think about that. We miss a lot of meetings with God. We keep Him waiting a LOT. We mess up a lot. And yet, there He remains with loving grace!

            Ordinarily, missing this meeting would have totally ruined my day. That behavior would not be considered disciplined. His words, however, were so gentle, so kind, and so loving….that is grace!

Grace to Others

           

            I’ll admit it. I have high expectations. I have seen kids and teens that I work with rise to them. I think it also helps me not to settle. When out of balance, however, the high expectations, can negatively affect the relationships I value most. I’ve spent so much time in my life making my parents feel like they had to tiptoe around me, trying to make sure their responses or facial expressions wouldn’t hurt my feelings. With my friends, I have expected too much of them in terms of their responsiveness to me. Just because I’m attached to my phone doesn’t mean everyone else is. Not everything requires a response (even if I’m thinking there should be one.) That’s MY perspective. Their perspective might be that what they are reading or hearing is a tidbit, or that they can respond to whatever randomness I’m offering in that moment, or even that they can formulate a worthy response in their busy day. These aren’t just words. This is not mastery, but it is in progress. I’m learning to see it from THEIR perspective.

My loved ones need breathing room. What I often find, too, is that when they have that breathing room, and when I stop freaking out that they are not responding, they surprise me. They exceed my expectations. Even if they don’t, I still want them to receive this grace. God extends, others extend, and I need to extend that grace. They need those pleasant boundaries.

Grace for myself

This is by far the hardest for a perfectionist. If others can extend me grace and God can extend me grace, who am I to deny myself grace? I’ve been learning that I don’t have o try so hard, and I have had a lot of Champion Moments with this. If anyone else is worthy of forgiveness, as a child of God, I am too! Who am I to say that God can give this person grace or that person grace, but not me? I too am enough. I too am human. Truly walking in this grace and giving myself PERMISSION, is incredible FREEDOM.